All is not well
Disclaimer: This is NOT a positive post. If you are not in a space to hear someone gripe, STOP now! Close this window! Maybe try again next week but do not plough ahead. While I was planning to use this post to discuss rubrics and my love for them, I don't want to write about the readings this week (my thoughts on some of them are in the discussion forum and I am trying to digest this UbD unit) and the platitudes below are about all my brain can manage right now.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Right?!?!?!?
Imagine I am not alone in hearing the AHHHHHHHH refrain loudly in my brain these days. It feels like a lot of hoop jumping and box ticking, while trying to juggle the regular, daily job and life obligations while the must do/to do lists just keeping getting longer and longer and lonnnnnggger. I am not sleeping enough, I am not drinking enough water, I am not eating enough or well enough..... all the things I am not doing enough of or well enough seem to have tripled since last year. Listen, I am a relatively positive person and can take things in stride but I am not feeling like that in-stride version of myself right now, not at all.
It's the same at the start of every term, isn't it? A long list of assignments and activities laid out before us that show everything we have to do in the next twelve weeks, resulting in a temporary feeling that our brains and hearts will likely race without pause for the next quarter(ish) year. But something happens as the initial weeks pass, at least for me: I get in a rhythm and things feel less apocalyptic than they did moments before. And then, without fail, we arrive at week 12 and I wonder why I panicked those first couple of weeks.
However, this isn't what I am feeling this time around. This time I am just feeling as though there is an invisible pressure trying to sink me into the earth's core that continually pushes on the top of my head. It is a really awful sensation. Perhaps it's my role continually changing in my current building, perhaps it's my kids feeling similarly this year and needing more, perhaps it's the weather, perhaps it's nothing. Hoop jumping for the sake of jumping sucks, quite frankly. I think I need to remember that I am only one person capable of only doing what I can and that some things are just not going to get done how I would like or wish them to get done.
Also going to take the advice of the marvelous Colleen and really try to keep it simple as I work on this UbD unit. I am just not feeling it right now. So if you are also just not feeling it, or if you are feeling ALL of the it, I see you. I feel you. And I look forward to having a chuckle with you in week 12.
Comments
David Provencher
You're not alone, and I don't believe your blog is negative, it is a snapshot of reality. Life will not always be lollipops and ice cream, with that said, I am so sorry that you are struggling right now, although not to your degree I am also struggling. I think it is just the nature of the beast. We as teachers thrive to do our best and we want what's best for our kids. Something people don't realize is the amount of emotional pressure that is placed upon teachers and then of course we add more pressure on ourselves. The school year sometimes feels like forever and if you blink summer has passed you bye. At least that's how the last few years have been. If you have ever watched "Father of the Bride" with Steve Martin, well, let's just say I can relate to him and how he gets overwhelmed and overreacts to everything. I still struggle with it, but I have learned to talk to my friends, take a deep breath, take things one at a time and of course ask for help when needed, just keep smiling and believing you can do it. It doesn't always work everyday but it does help me a lot.
David Provencher
Although, you are also struggling with work, life and studies balance, I want to give you kudos for carving out time on multiple evenings to get school work done. Please "hear" me when I "say" you inspire me. I want to try to do this better (more like you!)
Keep your head up, you are doing a kick @$$ job :)
Colleen
So I wrote my post before even reading anyone else's and you are the 4th person's blog I've read and I have to say... WOW, it feels good to know I am not alone! I titled my blog I guess I am not superwoman...because holy moly did I feel like I was failing. The fact that everyone is willing to be so honest on here is such a relief! And to know that I am not the only one wondering why I have not fallen into my groove yet or found my rhythm that helps these weeks not feel like never-ending painful assignment-filled chaos that I have to fight to fulfill each week. This is significantly harder and I am relieved to know I am not the only one feeling it! Also, I love the personality you bring to your posts, I try to type as if I am having a conversation and making it funny, but I feel like you take it a step further. I look forward to reading your posts each week!
I hope you find your groove... honestly I hope we BOTH find our groove! I truly believe that WE GOT THIS!
~Maddie Grierson